Hear Me Out
by Recode
Summary: MWPP, set 6 months after the 'Snape Incident'. Sirius had been sending letters to Remus everyday but Remus never read a single one of them until... [SBRL & JPLE]
1. Act 1 : Pain

**Title:** Hear Me Out  
**Author:** Angel (www.daisukidayo.net)  
**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling and Co. though I'd love to own Sirius and Remus. Oh, WELL~  
**A/N:** My first MWPP and (somewhat) slash fic J I can't help it, LOL~ Forgive my grammar, though. I had to time to find a beta. Please read and review!

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   Remus Lupin tossed a small, blue envelope onto an empty bed at the corner of Gryffindor sixth year dormitory. He was frowning very deeply, looking disgruntled and along the lines of disgusted. The door behind him creaked open but he didn't move or turn. He knew the presence too well. "Hey, James, Peter~" His greeting was weak. Sighing deeply, he hopped onto his bed and hid his frowning face with a pillow. James Potter rolled his eyes. "Let me guess. That good-for-nothing 'prat' sent you another letter, right?" Peter Pettigrew added, " and you threw it back right onto his bed, hmm?"

   Their questions were answered by a low and muffled "Umm". The two of them grinned madly and high-fived. "GREAT!" The brown haired boy shot up and narrowed his eyes; the pillow left forgotten. "What does the 'great' refers to?" "Oh, well," James began, " we're letting him see how terrible his mistake is. Believe me Moony; we're giving him a good kick in the arse with our little masquerade. Isn't that right, Wormtail?" "Aye, Captain Prongs!" They dance a circle and Remus couldn't help but chuckle.

   It had been six months after an incident involving himself, James, Severus Snape and Sirius Black. They dubbed the incident as the 'Snape Incident' while James kept suggesting they call it 'A Sirius Incident'. The three Marauders had been ignoring Sirius since, pretending as if the handsome boy didn't exist at all; as if he was transparent to them. After that incident, Remus had been receiving blue envelopes with Sirius' handwritings on them everyday. He already received a total of 179 letters; in which he found each of them on his bed after dinner.

   Somehow, he never read a single one of them. He didn't want to. He was too angry with the other boy to even look at the direction of his bed, let alone to look at him. He didn't want to hear his explanations. It was enough. The man he considered his best friend (and his love) had betrayed him. That man had used him like a tool.

But…

   As angry as he was, there was still a small voice in his head that kept telling him to stop this whole acts. The tiny voice kept saying that they were punishing Sirius the wrong way. Remus didn't care about it, though. Sirius needed punishments for betraying his friends' trust. There's absolutely no way he'd forgive him so easily. 'How ironic..' He thought. 'I hate him so much but I also love him truly, madly, deeply. How bitterly ironic…" 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

   Sirius Black was standing on top of astronomy tower, gazing at the stars glistening on the satin night sky. He looked weary and pale. There were even tears in his eyes. Silently, he cried. "I'm sorry Remus… I'm sorry James, Peter.. I'm so sorry" He sobbed to the wind. He longed desperately for their forgiveness. Yet, at the same time, he didn't want to be forgiven. He didn't deserve their forgiveness. He almost killed two of his best friends by sending Severus Snape through the Whomping Willow. "Is it time to give them up already?" He closed his eyes and let his tears flow freely down his sunken but handsome face.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

   Very slowly, Sirius made his way into the dormitory. Everyone was already sleeping by then. He crept soundlessly towards his bed and found out the scarlet curtain of his bed was already drawn. Tears found their way back to his eyes as he saw a lone blue envelope lying on his bed. Drawing the curtain shut, he buried his head into his pillow. His mother's words before he ran away from home rang again somewhere at the back of his head. "GET OUT AND DON'T COME BACK! YOU'RE WORTHLESS! BLOOD TRAITOR, ABOMINATION, SHAME OF MY FLESH!!!"

WORTHLESS…

WORTHLESS…

WORTHLESS…

   He couldn't help but smiled. 'As much as I hate to say this, ' he thought, 'I guess Mum was right all along about the worthless part. What a shame…' With that last thought, Sirius Black had tears sliding silently down his face. No one noticed, of course…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

   The next day, third years and up had a trip to Hogsmeade. While everyone was having fun, Sirius chose to stay behind. He hid himself in the potions dungeon, drowning himself in piles of books. He read, and read, and read but nothing seemed to make sense at all. He continued reading until late in the evening. He didn't even have his lunch. Sighing, he closed his eyes. James, Remus and Peter must be having a lot of fun in Honeyduke or Three Broomsticks. 'Peter…Remus… James…'

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

   "Uhh??" Remus Lupin stopped dead in his track. For a while, his eyes went blank; his face emotionless. "What's wrong, Moony?" Peter asked, frowning in concern. James had the same look in his eyes too. "You just… Zoned out. Are you okay?" Remus managed a faint smile. "N—Nothing, it's just that…that…I heard Sirius…" Peter and James exchanged odd looks. 

   "What do you mean you heard him?"

   "I… I don't know. It's just.. AHH, forget about this nonsense! Let's get something in Honeyduke!"

   "Uhh, alright~"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

   Sirius stared at the letter he just wrote. The letter was thicker than the previous ones. He didn't know why but… He felt the need to pour everything out on that particular piece of parchment. He looked up as he heard the howling of the wind outside. He knew at once that it was going to rain. Finally, he thought. The sky's going to cry with me. The howl reminded him of Moony, the wolf he had come to love with all his heart. He'd lost him before he even had him. How could he be such an idiot?!

   But he'd be disgusted if I knew, I dare bet, his mind told him. So, smiling bitterly, he continued writing another paragraph. The students will be coming back anytime soon.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

   Remus shifted uncomfortably in his seat on the train. They were on their way back to Hogswart. Lightning flashed, thunder roared and the Earth shook. Peter jumped slightly every time the thunder roared. James, on the other hand, was staring straight out of the window. "Something's not right," he whispered, barely audible to the ears of others. Remus heard him pretty well, though. After all, he was a werewolf. "What's not right, Prongs?"

   As if on cue, a very loud thunder shook the poor land violently, throwing students off their seat. The train halted immediately. Students, the girls especially, screamed madly as the light went out. A concerned female voice echoed throughout the compartments. I was Minerva McGonagall's voice.

   "ALL STUDENTS PLEASE REMAIN IN YOUR SEATS. I REPEAT, ALL STUDENTS PLEASE REMAIN IN YOUR SEATS. THANK YOU."

   "What the hell just happened?!" Peter squeaked, much like the rat he was in his Animagus form. "REMUS!" James shouted. Their eyes widened as they saw, in the lack amount of light, Remus Lupin was clutching his head with shaking hands. 

   "Remus! Moony!! Great Merlin, what's wrong??!!"

   "HELP! Professor McGonagall! Anybody! HELP!"

   Almost immediately, Professor McGonagall was at their door; whispering "Lumos". As the compartment was bathed in magical light, Remus' hands stopped shaking. "Mr. Lupin, can you hear me?"

   Remus nodded.

   "Are you okay?"

   Another nod.

   McGonagall let out a sigh of relief. "Well, if you're okay then.. Mr. Potter, Mr. Pettigrew, I must advise you to avoid panicking too quickly. Stay here and ONLY here until we sort out everything. Now if you would excuse me…" With that, she left. The three boys composed themselves and sat quietly on their seats. "I heard a voice… Someone was screaming. "

   "What?" James and Peter asked in unison.

   "I don't know who it was. But… I heard something crashed, like glasses smashing. Then everything faded to black. He screamed no more."

   Remus' story didn't make sense. "Moony, I think you're too tired. The full moon was last week, after all," James suggested. "Yeah," Peter agreed, "you're just hearing things. I heard no boys screaming and nothing broke." Remus hesitated for a while before nodding in agreement. "I hope you're right. I hope to whoever's driving the bus up there that you're right…"

   A few minutes later, everything turned back to normal. Everyone sighed in relief. Somewhere at the back of Remus' heart, he felt so wrong. That scream… It was very familiar. Could it be---

   _No! Don't even think about him!_

   'Ahh, but you ARE thinking about him~' His practical side mocked.

   _Shut up! I won't think about him!_

   'But you can't help it, can you? You love him way too much!'

   _I DO NOT LOVE SIRIUS BLACK!_

   'There, you said his name, yay!'

   _Would you just SHUT THE HELL UP?!!_

   'Language, young man. By the way, I AM you, so I'll always be in your head!'

   _FOR ONCE, JUST SHUT THE f**k UP!!!!_

   'Oww, your language hurt my poor ears! Okay, I'll shut up but admit it. YOU LOVE SIRIUS BLACK!'

   _I'll never love a traitor!_

'He's not a traitor and you know it. He's just a mere mortal. Being mortal means he's not perfect. Human makes mistake all the time.'

   _But…_

   'You shouldn't make decision too fast. Think about it. I'll leave you to yourself now…'

   The little voice at the back of his head faded. Before he knew it, they were already walking towards the huge castle that was Hogswart School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. As soon as they reached the castle, they were ordered to go straight to their dormitories after dinner. The Great Hall looked darker than usual, Remus wondered why. They ate dinner silently. No one opened their mouths, unlike usual. The first and second years looked shaken. Everything felt weird. Remus scanned the Gryffindor table. It was then that he noticed Sirius wasn't there. 

   As if reading Remus' mind, James put a reassuring hand on Remus' shoulder. "That prat must be finishing another letter to you, I'm sure." Remus just shrugged. The students finished their meal and were ordered to return to their dormitories at once. 

Somehow…

   Professor Albus Dumbledore was walking towards the three Marauders, looking very concerned. "Mr. Potter, I need to have a word with you. Mr.Pettigrew and Mr.Lupin, please return to your dormitories right away. Now Mr.Potter, if you'd follow me…" "Y—Y—Yes, Sir," James stuttered. He cast a worried look to Remus and Peter before following the Headmaster. Had Dumbledore found out that he was the one who set a very large amount of dungbombs in Slytherin Common Room? _Oh, crap! I'm doomed!_ He thought.

   But to his surprised, they weren't going to the Headmaster's office. They were heading straight to the Hospital Wing. "Headmaster, may I ask what---" James words died as Dumbledore opened the door to the Hospital Wing. He dropped the bag he was holding at the sight that greeted him. "Dear God…"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

   Remus and Peter was feeling very annoyed with the odd looks their fellow Gryffindors were giving them. Some of them whispered to each other while either pointing their fingers secretly at them or glancing at them. "I don't feel very good," Peter hissed under his breath. "Me too, Wormtail, me too…" They opened the door to their dorm and Peter went straight to his bed. Remus stared at the curtain of his bed. He's sure that there'd be another blue envelope lying on his pillow. He decided to read it this time. 

ZAP!

   He drew the curtain but to his surprise, there was no envelope. There was nothing except his pillow and some books. _What the…_ He frowned deeply. Where's Sirius' letter to him? "No more letters, Moony." A tired yet familiar voice from behind made him jump. He turned around. "James! Gosh, you scared me~" Wait, he thought. James looked so… SAD?? "Sirius won't send you another letter, Moony." "AHA!" Remus exclaimed in mocked amusement. "So he finally give up hope, then?" James shook his head.

   "No, he would like to send another letter. It's just that…He can't."

   Remus' heart started to beat faster. Peter jumped off his bed to find out what was happening.

   "J—James, what do you mean Sirius can't?"

   "Remus, Sirius is… Sirius is…"

   "Sirius is what, James?!" His tone was higher than he intended to.

   "Sirius is not waking up. He's as good as…He's as good as dead."

   Peter clamped his hands to his mouth; eyes wide open. Remus stood motionless. It was then that he noticed James had been crying. 

== TO BE CONTINUED ==


	2. Act 2: Eternal Sleep

**Chapter 2 :** **Eternal Sleep  
A/N: I am so sorry for not updating. I've been caught up in my lessons; extra classes, tuition classes, extra private tutoring at home and all that I could barely breathe! I'm taking my last secondary school exam in 2004 so I'll be very busy. **So, this is a very short chapter**. Hope you all like it. Thank you for your reviews. I never got more than ten reviews for one chapter because I know my grammar and vocabulary sucks (I wish I could take literature subjects instead of only science ones).  I appreciate them XD. Review this chapter, please? Also, please have a look at my Sirius Black diary at ****. You may also join as an author! You may check for updates in my LiveJournal () or in my weblog ().**

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   Remus was staring at James as if the bespectacled young man held all the answers in the world. "James? What do you mean by 'as good as dead'? What happened to Sirius?" The werewolf asked, his voice started to shake. It was than that Remus and Peter saw a single tear trickled down James' sullen face. "He accidentally swallowed the *Potion of Eternal Sleep." Remus' eyes widened and he paled at the revelation. Peter had his hands on his mouth in horror. "The Potion of Eternal Sleep?! Where did he get it? It's illegal! How could it be an accident?!"  Remus almost yelled the words out of his system. This could not be true. Sirius didn't take that potion! It's not possible! James sighed, wiping another tear off his eyes. 

   "Remember the earthquake when we were on the rain earlier?" 

   The other two nodded silently. 

   "Dumbledore told me that Sirius was in the Potions Dungeon when it happened. A first year Hufflepuff girl, who happened to be his fan, found him in there and tried to talk to him beforehand. When the earthquake struck, the potions rack was falling onto the girl but Sirius…He…He pushed the girl out of the way and the rack landed on him instead. Well… The girl went to get help as soon as the earthquake subsided. Dumbledore said, she told them that Sirius did not answer her calls. When Dumbledore and Flitwick arrived there, they quickly removed the rack. Obviously, almost all of the potions splattered onto the floor. Only a few phials left unbroken. Dumbledore said… The Potion of Eternal Sleep was splashed all over Sirius and he accidentally swallowed some of them along with some other potions. Madame Pomfrey confirmed it. They've even called the medi-wizards and medi-witches from St. Mungo's. They..They…" At this point, James was almost sobbing. 

   "They couldn't do anything. Nothing they did could wake him up! They told me there is no cure for the potion! Oh, God! They said that Sirius would be asleep forever! He's not even breathing!!" Remus and Peter went to hug James, crying all the same.

   The Potion of Eternal sleep was invented thousands of years ago. The effect of the potion was so powerful that whoever swallowed a whole phial of it would appear to be as good as dead. A drop of it would cause a person to sleep for at least fifty years or so. The potion had the ability to make the ones who took it look like they were dead. They would stop breathing in or out but their heart would keep on beating. Some people compared the effect of the potion to the Dementor's Kiss. After taking the Potion of Eternal Sleep, one's soul would be lost to God knows where. Currently, no antidote could be found for the potion. Therefore, the Ministry of Magic classified the potion as illegal. Still, seventh years at Hogwarts learn about the potion. A few samples were kept in the dungeons and could only be tested on animals.

   But Sirius Black is no animal…

   'This isn't happening! This isn't happening!' Remus kept chanting the same sentence in his mind. Breaking the group hug, he ran out of the Common Room to the Hospital Wing. All the way there, he prayed that it all had been a mistake and that Sirius did not have the Potion of Eternal Sleep in his system. Sure, he was angry at the other boy but he certainly did not want him to leave! He just needed some time to heal before completely forgiving Sirius. Damn it! He knows that he was in love with the other boy deep inside his heart. That was why it had hurt so much when Sirius betrayed his trust. When he reached the infirmary, he was already out of breath. He didn't care if Madame Pomfrey screamed at him to get out. He just wanted to see Sirius. Inside, the almost all of the teachers were discussing silently among themselves. He ran to the bed where they placed Sirius and took the other boy's hand into his own.

   Madame Pomfrey made a move to halt him but Dumbledore stopped her, shaking his head. "Sirius?" Remus whispered lightly. "Sirius…Padfoot…It's me, Moony. C'mon, Padfoot. Open your eyes; wake up! Please!"  Nothing happened. The hand Remus was holding was as cold as eyes. Sirius' whole figure was as pale as a corpse. It could not be true… James and Peter appeared a minute later and they both went to hug Remus. The three of them started sobbing.

   Dumbledore sighed and slowly, he approached the boys. He waited until the trio stopped sobbing before speaking his words. "We all know that there is no antidote for the Potion of Eternal Sleep, Misters Potter, Lupin and Pettigrew. However, there is a charm; a spell that could help break the curse of the potion." The trio's eyes widened. "R- - Really?" The stuttered in unison. Dumbledore smiled softly and nodded his head. "It will require your help, though. Well, this is not the right place to discuss this. Let's bring this matter up to my office, shall we?"

   "Yes, Headmaster."

== TO BE CONTINUED ==

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
In next chapter, Albus will tell the boys what the potion really does and how to wake Sirius up. Remus will go to the Dungeons and find… Well, take a guess! **(Hint: What was Sirius doing before the earthquake?) *wink* Reviews, please???**


	3. Act 3: Never forgive me

**Chapter 3: Never forgive me…  
A/N:**  I actually finished it two days ago but my internet connection was crazy. So, here's chapter 3. Thanks for the reviews. I appreciate them. I wish I had more time so that I could thank my reviewers personally but..Well… I'll try next time. **Review this one too, please!! **Also, check out my Sirius journal: **http:// www. sirius-star .net and my lj ****http:// www. livejournal .com/~siriusangel for updates (since my domain/blog is down).**

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   "Do sit down, boys. Lemon Drops?"

   Sitting down, the trio shook their heads feebly. Their eyes were still red from crying but Dumbledore said there was a way to help Sirius…

   "Well, then…" Dumbledore started, "It is well known that the Potion of Eternal sleep pushes oneself into a very deep slumber forever that others might mistake them as dead. Somehow, not many know that the potion put its victims to eternal sleep only if the victims do not have enough desire to be alive."

   The boys looked at each other, confused written on their faces.

   The Headmaster continued, "We have tried to probe into young Mr.Black's mind and performed a number of spells to find out how deep did the potion affected him… What we found was a total shock to all of us. It seems like Mr.Black's mind appears to be blank and dark, which means only one thing…" The older man looked at the trio sadly, hesitating to tell more.

   "Please sir, what does it mean?" 

   "Well, it appears that Mr.Black does not have the will to live anymore. If you use a spell to look into the mind of the victims that wanted to be alive, you would see a kaleidoscope of colours. But…I'm sorry, boys. I'm afraid he was put to sleep for eternity." At this point, Peter had both his hands on his mouth and James practically fell off his seat while Remus looked like he'd been hit with Stupefy. "But Headmaster, you said- -" "Yes, yes, my boys. There is a way to help. The three of you need to really want to help him. You are the closest ones to him so it won't be a problem for you to go into his mind and soul and wake him up."

   "Wake him up? Wake him up how?"

   "Convince his soul that you need him and that he needs to be alive. In other words,you need to convince him to live. Now, I know that the three of you have not been in good terms with him lately. It's up to you to decide to help him or not. There is a spell that would separate your souls from your body for a while and let you travel into your friend's mind and communicate with his soul. The risk is quite high, actually… You are not to use magic in his mind. Otherwise, you or him may die. So, are you up for the challenge of bringing Mr.Black back, gentlemen?"

   Silence dawned upon the room for a good five minutes; each of them lost in their own little world. Convincing an individual as Sirius was proven hard countless times. Surely, convincing his SOUL would be a lot harder. Sirius Black was known as a nasty-tempered, hard-headed boy and changing his mind would be very, very, difficult. Despite his cleverness, he was a fool in his own hard way. Sirius Black may be one of Hogwarts' cleverest students but he regularly acted without thinking first. It was a while before the whole truth started to sink into the heads of the three young men.

Sirius Black did not have the desire to live anymore…

Sirius Black had been upset for days…

Sirius Black had fallen into a depression but **they** did not care…

Sirius Black had asked for forgiveness but **they** rudely ignored him…

The last words Sirius Black had heard from either of **them were "I wish you were dead!"…**

Now, Sirius Black was as good as dead and **they** were upset…

Sirius Black did not have the desire to live anymore because of **them…**

   "It's our fault…" Remus' words were barely audible to the ears of the other four; thanks for the silence of the room. "All he wanted from us was our forgiveness. And yet, we ignored him as if he didn't even exist. We were at faults. We…" He could not find words to continue. He could not bring himself to speak more. Sirius had tried to reason but neither of them cared. They simply did not want to hear what he'd got to say. They were - - No, HE was selfish. He, Remus Lupin, drowned himself to deep in blind rage to notice that no matter how perfect Sirius appears to look like; the other boy was just a human. Human makes mistakes all the time. There was no such thing as perfection in this world. Everything has its own flaws be it visible or not. Yet, the blind rage managed to hide Remus Lupin from such truth. 

   James put his hand on Remus' shoulder and gave it a soothing squeeze before turning back to Dumbledore. "Remus is right, sir. We were blind, too helplessly blind to notice that our pride, selfishness and stupidity had been killing Sirius' desire to live. We were too blind to notice that we, too, betrayed him. The moment he told us he ran away from home, we promised to be there for him. We promised to never let him feel lonely but …" James looked down and sighed. "We were just too blind to realise that we were supposed to be there for him…" Eyes travelled to the mousy haired boy in their group as he spoke with shaking voice. "We were supposed to try to understand his reasons. But we… We told him to go away and save his reasons for himself…" Dumbledore held his hand to stop Peter from continuing his rare speech. 

   "Really, boys. Now isn't the right time to regret your choices. We have a dying young man in the infirmary, who also happened to be your friend (- "Best friend," James interrupted but was ignored -). If we don't convince him in - - " he looked at his magical watch "- - approximately forty-two hours, his soul will be lost to us forever; and forever he may sleep. So now, what is your choice?"

   "I'm taking the risk. I want to save him and tell him how much he really means to us," Remus pulled a determined face as he stood up. James mirrored his actions. "Remus is right. Our little pact will never be complete without him. I'll take the risk to, whatever it is." "I..I'm game too," Peter followed, although sounding a little scared. The merry twinkle returned to the Headmaster's eyes as he smiled wholeheartedly. "I'm proud you, boys. It takes a lot of courage and not to mention a lot of love and trust to make such decisions. I shall expect the three of you by midnight in the hospital wing. For now, you may return to your dormitory and try to get some rest. You are going to need energy for this." The boys nodded and excused themselves, walking to the direction of Gryffindor Tower.

   "I never thought that something like this could possibly happen… To Sirius, our Sirius, of all people…" James whispered as he ran his hands in his tousled hair. Peter nodded. "We've been mean to him. True, we were mad at him but we shouldn't have made him feel so bad that he feels like he doesn't deserve to live anymore… The last words I spoke to him were 'go to hell, Black.' "James patted on Peter's shoulder. "I know how you feel, Wormtail. My last words to him were harsh, too. I told him he was just as bad as the rest of the Blacks. Regulus and most of the Slytherins were there when I told him so. I don't think I've ever seen him more embarrassed in his life. And - - " "And I told him I wish he'd never been born, " Remus interrupted before James could finish his sentence, "I told him I wish he were dead."

   The three of them fell into silence again; mentally berating themselves for letting their stupid Gryffindor pride blinded them from the very simple nature of life. Each of them wished they've talked to Sirius after the Whomping Willow incident. They should have asked him what possessed him to send Severus Snape after Remus. So many 'what ifs' and too much regrets… The least they could do was try their best to bring their best friend back. "You guys go on to the dorm. I have something to do." Remus told them as he headed to the opposite direction from Gryffindor Tower. The last thing he said before he was completely out of their sight was , "For Merlin's sake, please don't come after me!"

   James and Peter were confused. They looked at each other and shrugged. "Pete, do you mind going to the dorm alone? I think I need to do something – Don't look at me like that! I'm not going to betray Remus' trust by following him! – I just need some time to myself… Well… Catch you later, Wormtail!" With that, James disappeared out of sight, leaving Peter frowning in confusion. ". . . Whatever, Prongs."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

   Remus skidded to a halt as he reached the Potions Dungeon. Catching his breath, he stood at the doorway with eyes wide open. The dungeon was a mess. Broken glasses littered all around the classroom. The smell was sharp. Desk and chairs on which the racks had fallen on to shattered. Suddenly, everything was clear. The screaming Remus had heard on the train was Sirius. The sound of glass shattering… A male screaming… The familiar voice… It all made sense. He 'heard' Sirius. He didn't know why but he was very certain that he heard the other boy's scream. Pieces of Muggle papers were littered everywhere. A familiar blue envelope was lying under a broken chair. Remus bent down to pick it up. It read "**Hear me Out**". In Sirius' beautiful calligraphic handwriting. His heart raced. Remus immediately sprang into action of picking up every bit of papers on the floor. Some were dirtied by the spilled potions but every word was still visible. He sat down to the only remaining unbroken chair and desk at the end of the classroom and arranged the papers in order. Summoning his courage, he started to read:

_Dearest Moony,_

_     I know you've forbid me from calling you by your nickname but I can't help it. The name was already carved onto my heart. Nothing you do would be able to scrap it off. I don't know why I'm writing this but it feels so right. It feels like I'm talking to you again and that thought makes every fiber in my heart happy. I know that later this night, this very letter will be back into my hands. I know you'd treat this letter as if it is just a piece of nuisance and filth. I can't blame you for that. You have every right to feel like that after what I've done. I'd be surprised if you don't. I mean, I'd think that myself is finally insane and be glad when Dumbledore ships me off to St.Mungo's. _

_     You know, I've been thinking to myself lately. I think what you said really make sense. I shouldn't have been born. My fool of a mother always said I was a shame to the family ever since I was sorted into Gryffindor and befriended you, Prongs and Wormtail. I didn't care what my parents think. They simply hated the thought of me befriending Gryffindors and they insisted that I should have been sorted into Slytherin instead. She used to call me an abomination, the shame of her flesh and a useless boy. As painful as it sounds, I think I agree. I almost get you, James and that stupid Snape killed. If James had not rescued Snape, I shudder to think how many more lives will be ripped away because of me._

_     Do you know why I write 'more lives'? Well, believe it or not, someone died because of me when I was little. She was my babysitter, Sierra. Mom and Dad were always busy so I was left in her care. Regulus had a different babysitter, of course. Well, Sierra treated me like a real mother would. One day, I asked her to let me walk outside. Living inside the house was very depressing. I hate the gloomy look and the eerie feeling I get whenever I was inside the blasted house. Sierra warned me to not go into the forest nearby but I didn't listen. I went inside and was attacked by a pack of wolves. Sierra died protecting me. I feel so responsible for her death. I should have known better when I sent Snape after you but being the rash person that I am, I simply didn't think._

_     I never thought that my stupid deed cost me our friendship; the friendship I've come to cherish with all my life. I know that you probably won't be reading this letter but I feel the need to write this anyway. I need you to know why I acted so stupid that day. When you disappeared into the Shrieking Shack, I was on my way to the Great Hall for dinner. James and Peter were already there. On the way, I met Snape. He asked me where you were and I refused to tell him. I told him it wasn't his business. I threatened to hex him if he did not let me pass but instead of stepping back, he chose to provoke me. When he said you were sneaking off of Hogwarts to a Death Eater meeting, I tried to keep my calm and give him snide remarks. But when he said that you're a whore and that you were out there letting the Death Eaters screw you, I saw red. I punched him on the guts and told him to go to the Shrieking Shack. I told him how to get past the willow. By then, I only want him to see who you really are. I want to know that you're not the dirty person he thought you were. I want him to see how brave and strong you are despite the torture you have to endure every full moon. I want him to know how strong the man I love with all my life is. _

_     Yes, Moony, I love you. I don't mean that in the way I love James and Peter. I love you; I am in love with you. You don't know how much I want to capture your lips in a searing kiss whenever you talk to me. I want so badly to feel your touch, to run my hands all over you. I know you'd never love me back as much as you won't be reading this letter. I just want you to know that I really love you. People say that one does not fall in love at seventeen. They're wrong. What I feel is not a simple crush. It is not a feeling that will just fade away when told to. It was a pure and strong feeling, something that makes me feel so whole and complete. Whenever I look in your direction, my heart aches for you. Something inside me would scream for you and beg for your love. I've been in love with you years ago but never had the guts to tell you that because I know you'd be disgusted. _

_     It doesn't matter anymore, now. I've ruined everything. I've lost you before I even had you in my life. In my previous letters, I've been asking for your forgiveness but now I realise that I'm not worthy of that. I deserve this fate as much as I deserve to die. I won't take my own life. That's such a foolish thing to do. So, I think I'd stop annoying you with my worthless letters and leave you in peace. I'll never stop loving you, though. Once a Black falls in love, he stays in love forever. I'll continue to love you with all my heart. No one can ever replace you. I beg for your mercy and grant my one wish. I promise I won't ask for anything from you ever again. I have only one wish now._

_Please never forgive me._

**_With all my love,_**

_Sirius Black aka Padfoot._

_. . ._

_. . ._

_. . ._

   Burying his head in his right arm, Remus clutched the letter to his heart as he broke into heart-wrenching sobs… _'Oh, Padfoot!_ I love you too!! I'm sorry for making you think I don't!'__

== TO BE CONTINUED ==

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Next chapter will have some **James x Lily** stuff ;-)  
  



	4. Act 3: Complication

**Chapter 4: Complications  
A/N:** Some of you are probably looking forward to kill me now. Sorry for not updating. If you read my journal or actually know me, you'll know how busy I've been. I have to get straight As (11 As) for my big exam this year. Poor me . Anyways, this story will have a few more chapters with a lot of angst and fluff. I hope you like this chapter, no matter how short it is. At least I'm trying, right? Thanks for the reviews J How about reviewing this one too? Until later, ppl!

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**Lily Evans' POV**

   I was walking alongside the dim corridors of Hogwarts, looking for stray first years. Those young ones got lost in this big castle rather easily. Well, I did too in my first year. As a prefect, it was my duty to guide them. Eventually, I began to feel tired from walking so I decided to stop and stretch for a while. It was raining out there. I looked out of the window to get some view as the views I got from the castle were always marvellous. What I saw shocked me to the base of my core. James Potter… James Potter was standing in the middle of the Quidditch pitch, soaking in the rain and alone. Now, that was odd. I saw him wiping the water from his face a few times before sitting down onto the wet pitch, brought his knees up to his chest and buried his face in his hands.

   I felt a slight pang in my heart seeing him like this. I've never seen him look so sad. He was always laughing and happy-go-lucky. I never really saw past his childish behaviours before. But now… He looked old. I ran top speed to the door that led to the pitch and conjured an umbrella. I walked up to him slowly as not to startle him. I conjured another umbrella and spelled it silently to hover over him. I guess I was lucky to be quite good in Charms. I bet he thought the rain suddenly stopped or that someone was beside him because he tensed. Wait, maybe he shivered from the coldness of the night. I was not really sure.

"Who's there?" He asked without turning to look.

"Hi…" That was all I said. I heard him chuckling. "Ah, Lily Evans… Here to humiliate me?"

   He sounded tired; so out of character. "No. I was just curious as to why you're wallowing in whatever you're feeling here while the others are surrounded by the warmth of the fireplace and charmed blankets in the common room." There. I hope I didn't sound too harsh. 

"I thought you'll like it when I'm not there annoying you."

   Bugger!  How do I answer that without making him feel worse? "Look, Potter, save this childish conversation and get into the castle now before you catch pneumonia. As nice as the thought of that is, I don't want Gryffindor to lose the Quidditch Cup." That ought to shut him up. He didn't say anything. Sighing, I offered him my hand. He's trying to hide the fact that he was shivering. After a minute, he finally took my hand and we walked back to the castle. I cast a charm to dry his drenching robe. His thanks were barely audible. He leaned against the wall and stared blankly at nothing. This is so unusual.

"Hey, Li---Evans…"

"What?"

"Do you know how it feels to lose someone very important in your life?"

What kind of question is that?! "…No. Why?"

"Just asking…"

It was getting so weird indeed. Was he in love or anything? Or… Was it his family? Then he said, "He's dying, you know…"

"Pardon?"

"My sworn brother. Sirius. He's dying."

   I was rendered speechless by the tiredness of his voice. I have not seen Black since breakfast. Well, I haven't seen Potter, Lupin and Pettigrew in good terms with Black for months too. I did wonder though. What in the world had happened to set them apart? In other words, what did Black do? The girls in my dorm had been talking about them almost every day. "Black's dying? How?" Instead of answering my question directly, he sighed loudly and said, "It's ironic how people feel the pain when someone they care about is going to leave forever. It's uncanny how nervous they'd feel when they know it is them who inflict pain into someone they care about. It's absurd how their actions could destroy that someone. All these, they never realise until it is too late. They are then left to wallow in self-pity, regrets, 'what if's and 'if only's. Amazing how people could be blinded by rage." I was stunned. I always know that he's intelligent but to hear those words from his mouth… I felt like I was talking to a man twice his age. A thought dawned upon me. "He didn't –" "No," he cut me off. "No, he didn't try to take his life. It was me…and Moony, and Wormtail."

   One day, I am going to figure out the origin of their eccentric nicknames. "What do you mean?" "The Potion of Eternal Sleep." Oh. OH! That was a forbidden potion! "Oh…" I said out loud. Potter chuckled again. "Yes. Oh. We're going to bring him back tonight. We will." I was going to ask how but I trust that Dumbledore must be behind their plans. He straightened up and smiled at me. I've never seen such sincere smile coming from him. "Thanks for listening. I think I should go now. See you later, Li—Evans." He nodded and ran off. I could feel the strange sensation in my stomach that previously felt like a washing machine gone too. Strange… 

   I watched until he was completely out of my sight and murmured, "Good luck, Potter… James."

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**3rd Person's POV**

   By 11.50 p.m, James, Remus and Peter were lying in the Hospital Wing and were given last minute instructions. Remus had told James and Peter about the letter he found in the dungeon. It just made them felt guilty. Before they fell into a deep sleep, they could barely hear what Dumbledore was saying. A strange pain was followed by a gush of strong wind. The next time they opened their eyes, they were standing in the middle of a barley field. The golden colour was everywhere. "Where are we?" Peter asked. 'Hello boys,' they heard Dumbledore's voice. 'What you are seeing the place Mr.Black's soul now resides. Find him and convince him to get back. Good luck, my boys.'

   The trio walked in silence until they saw an unexpected sight. There, across a wooden bridge, was themselves or rather, the quite transparent projections of themselves. The projections were laughing along with a certain dark haired guy. They looked so happy. "Sirius!" Remus shouted. The black haired guy stopped laughing and turned to look at the real trio. The look of shock in his eyes was evident. He kept looking back and forth between the real trio and the imaginary trio. The shock turned into something like sadness. "What are you guys doing here?" Sirius' voice sounded distant. 

   "Padfoot," James began. He could see Sirius tensed at the sound of his nickname. "Padfoot, you can't stay here."

"Why not? I'm happy here!"

"You can't stay here. You can't live in illusion, Padfoot," Remus reasoned.

"But I'm happy here…" The imaginary Remus squeezed his hand and smiled. 

"You have to come back, Padfoot."

"I don't want to."

"Why?" 'Good question, Wormtail!' James thought.

"… No one cares for me there. I don't want to go back."

. . . . .

. . . . .

. . . . .

Silence. . . . .

   "We care. We all care. We forgive you, Padfoot. _I_ forgive you," Remus took a step forward, eyes pleading. Sirius' eyes widened in disbelief. James and Peter nodded. "We forgive you, Siri. We are not the Marauders without you. Come back with us, please?" James pleaded. Imaginary James flashed them a bright smile while imaginary Peter shrugged. There was a pregnant pause before Sirius managed to find his voice back. "You don't have to pretend this, you know… I know what I did was unforgivable. You don't have to pretend just because the Headmaster ordered you to."

"HE DIDN'T ORDER US! WE'RE DOING THIS ON OUR OWN FREE WILL!" James, Peter and Remus shouted in unison. 

   Sirius blinked. Imaginary Remus had his arms around Sirius' waist and was smiling at the trio. The real Remus took another step forward. "I… I found your letter in the dungeons and I… I..um.. I read it. I.. I've really forgiven you, Padfoot. Now I want you to please forgive me." At that, Sirius' gaze softened. "There is nothing to forgive, Remus. You were never at fault. You never did anything wrong." Their eyes met. Sirius was startled to see tears brimming in his love's amber eyes. "Re..Remus?" "I love you, Sirius," that came out as a choked sob. "I really do. I should have listened to you but I… I was and still am in love with you. That's why it hurt so much when…"Remus was openly sobbing now.  Imaginary Remus released Sirius' waist and tapped Sirius' shoulder. Sirius could see Imaginary Remus nodded and took a few steps back, smiling. Imaginary James and Peter did the same.

   "You love me?" 

   Remus nodded and sobbed some more. He didn't care if he looked like a girl right then. It didn't matter. He felt a pair of familiar arms wrapped themselves around him lovingly. He leaned into the embrace and returned it in full force. "I don't deserve you, you know? But I love you so much that it hurts." Sirius murmured into Remus' ear. James and Peter exchanged a look and went to turn the embrace into a group hug. "You're like my twin, Sirius. How could you think that I really hated you? I love you, dear brother," James whispered. "You're like my brother too, you know," Peter added. By then, no eyes were left dry. They all had tears of their own. "Will you come back with us?" Remus asked, again. This time, Sirius nodded. "If you are willing to give me a second chance, then I will." "Then you'll have to give us a second chance too," countered James. Together, they laughed. Their hearts swelled with happiness. They had not laugh like this in months. It was so good to be back together again. "Let's go home," Remus whispered contentedly. Sirius nodded and turned to have a last look at the imaginary trio. "Thank you," he murmured. The imaginary trio nodded before dissolving into glittering dust. 

   Suddenly, a bright light appeared from nowhere, blinding them. It was the same light that had brought James, Peter and Remus to Sirius earlier, they noticed. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

   "Huh?" James, Remus and Peter awoke with a start. When they were finally aware of their surrounding and what had happened earlier, they jumped out of bed and ran to where Sirius lied. Madame Pomfrey and Dumbledore were there as well. They heard Sirius groaned and opened his eyes slowly. He blinked a few times and sat up, wincing as his back ached. "Oh, Sirius! You're awake!!" Remus threw himself onto Sirius and hugged him fiercely. It took him a few minutes to realise that Sirius wasn't hugging him back. He looked up and saw Sirius gazing at him and then around the room, confusion clearly written on his face. "Where am I?" He croaked. 

"You're in the Hospital Wing, dear," Madame Pomfrey answered, looking worried. 

   Again, Sirius looked down at Remus and frown. "Who are you?" That simple question caused Remus to release his arms from around his love and staggered back, eyes wide in disbelief. "Who are all of you?" Sirius asked again, looking at everyone with a deep frown. "Si…Sirius? Don't joke like that, mate. It's…scarry. "James stammered. "Sirius? Is that my name? Wait, who am I? What am I doing here? Why am I here?"

   Everone exchanged a look. Peter clamped his hands to his mouth while James caught Remus as the young werewolf lost his consciousness. Dumbledore sighed heavily while Pomfrey looked like she was going to cry. "Oh, Merlin… His memories… They're gone."

==== To be continued ====  
Mwahahaha! I am evil, am I not? I have to continue until James and Lily get together, duh . I'll try to update ASAP. Reviews, please??


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